The Journey Continues: Forgiveness
"And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses." Mark 11:25, ESV
Forgiveness. It's been on my mind a lot lately.
This past summer, as I began to incorporate daily prayers as part of my devotions, I recognized that I needed to add to my prayers that time of confession, and assuredness of forgiveness. I added Psalm 51, verses 2 and 7 to my daily prayers: "Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow." I felt that assurance each time that I had confessed my sins (and yes, there are times when I do confess specific sins that I know I have committed). But the irony was that I never included the idea of forgiving others.
Forgiveness is a two-way street
At least on two occasions in the Gospels, Christ was firm on the need for us to forgive others as a part of our being forgiven ourselves. I must confess that for most of my life I've missed that. So, as I added to my prayers a statement that I forgive those who have hurt me or wronged me intentionally or unintentionally, it raised questions and made me think deeper about forgiveness.
What does it mean to forgive others?
I asked that very question to a friend of mine, and his response was that in forgiving others, we give up the right to retaliate. I can think of an instance in my life where someone I knew was offended by my actions, and cut off all communication and socialization with me. I tried to reach out to continue our two-decade long friendship, but this individual wrote me a letter (with no return address) stating that Jesus commands us to forgive those who hurt us, but does not require that we remain friends. I had difficulty understanding that. Psalm 103:12 tells us that "as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." (NIV). So, to me, this friend had not truly forgiven. So, even if one has forgiven another, if that one is still holding a grudge, have they truly forgiven the other? I confess that I still struggle with that.
What if we're upset with someone?
Or what about the times we might be upset with a family member or coworker, and we keep it inside and resent them - is that a case of not forgiving something. This could fall under the "intentional or unintentional" hurt as I include in my daily prayers. One cannot have work or family relationships, or friendships, without that risk of something being said that can hurt. So, to me, that begs the question of scale: what is a forgivable offense? At what point of hurt or insensitivity do I say to myself "meh, it was nothing", or feel truly hurt? And how do I respond to that?
Our tendency to pull it back
I think one of the biggest hinderances to our forgiving others, and moving on in a healthy direction, is that odd desire to pull back the memory of the hurt, and literally feel angry or upset again. I will confess that is one of my weaknesses: I sometimes will recall some perceived injustice from a long time before to stew on it again, or even use it as a weapon. But as you can see, just from saying this, doing this is not healthy: it poisons our relationships with others; the resurgence of resentment can literally make us "stew" in our own juices by an increase in blood pressure, or anxiety; finally it poisons us spiritually in that we are wrestling back from God that which we gave Him to remove from ourselves. While there might be momentary satisfaction in doing this, the results from this are far from healthy or beneficial.
So, what does it mean to forgive? I admit that I do not have the answer, and this post is not intended to provide an answer, but to encourage our own examination of how we forgive others. What I do know is that God's forgiveness is complete, and the assurance of our forgiveness is stated clearly in 1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (ESV)
May we resolve, in this New Year, to journey on the healthy path of forgiving others.
Soli Deo Gloria
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