What to do now?

I have to admit that in my own life, I've not had to face any "life and death" decisions as far as my own health. But I have had to, particularly since I turned 50 over 11 years go, keep an eye on my health. 

Type 2 diabetes runs in my family: my brother, Jim, has it; our dad had it; our paternal grandmother had it. I've known that I was on that path all along these last 11 years, and my regular blood sugar levels while a little higher than average, were still in the "normal" zone. 

That changed when in April of 2019 my primary care physician told me that I now DID have type 2 diabetes: my blood sugars had increased past the safe levels. Thankfully he chose not to fill me with prescription meds, and I went on a diet that excluded alcohol, complex carbs, and desserts. I lost weight, and my blood sugar levels dropped back into the normal range. 

But that didn't mean I was no longer diabetic. It was, as my physician called it, "managed". However, once you have diabetes, you can't not have diabetes: you're either diabetic, or you are managing your diabetes. And today, I received a diagnosis that indicated that my diabetes, while managed, still had the ability to hurt me. 

Since early April I've been experiencing pain in my left hip, waistband, thigh, and buttocks. At first it was a searing pain exacerbated by anything touching that area. It was like having a severe sunburn. I went on an off work order from April 21st until June 21st, and am currently on a modified duty order that only allows for 4 hours per day. During late April and into May there was no relief, and I had to wear loose-fitting pajama bottoms or boxers to reduce the pressure on those areas that caused pain. By mid-May the hypersensitivity stopped, but it was replaced by constant pain in my hip, which could be increased by long stretches of sitting, or standing. I went for two MRI's and two sets of x-rays, which showed nothing conclusive. 

Today I met with a neurologist who diagnosed it at diabetes type 2 peripheral neuropathy. In short, diabetes can impact nerves, and in my case the nerve that comes from the spinal column into the areas that had been impacted (hip, waist, buttock, thigh) was damaged from this condition. There is no cure. There is no reversing it, according to the neurologist. Pain meds like gabapentin can reduce the pain. Acupuncture can help reduce the pain (whether short-term or long term is to be seen). But nothing can be done to correct the situation. The nerve is damaged. 

Getting old sucks, and up until this last year I felt that I could still do the things that I like to do, like sing in a concert where you have to stand for 30-40 minutes. Or take long road trips. Or hike a couple of hundred yards or down a roadside slope to get to that perfect photographic spot. 

Now, in light of this diagnosis, I am wondering "will I be able to do that? And if this peripheral neuropathy increases, what can or will I be able to do?" Granted, I have not been told I have stage 4 cancer, or that my diabetes will require the removal of my foot as it can with severe cases. But I sit here writing this and wonder what's next - what does my future hold? I've been working since I was 16, and I've been with the same employer for over 37 years (and associated with them for 40 years). But retirement is still 4 years away. Can my body continue with the workload and work environment? When I'm 65 what will I be like? Will I be able to take those long road trips with my wife? Will I be able to walk comfortably around my neighborhood? We live in a 2-story home with the master suite upstairs, so will we need to look at something else that either has the master suite on the bottom floor, or is a single story? I know I cannot, at this time, retire without it being a severe financial hit. 

So, I'm wondering, what does the future hold for me? I will confess that I'm scared, a bit depressed, but trying to think of solutions and options that I can do in both the short-term and long-term.