Days of Future Past

I'm sorry for that blatant plagiarism of the Moody Blues album name, but today, I was reminded about how much our past shapes our future. 

You see, I don't dwell on the past. I move on from whatever mistakes or poor choices I've made, just as I have progressed because of the GOOD choices and positive steps I've taken. But to understand me, one must understand my past. 

This was brought to my mind again today when a Facebook friend of mine posted a saying on her timeline:

I am actually extremely grateful

that some things didn't work out 

the way I once wanted them to.

Being the dreamer that I am, I have always had a "script" in my life: a preset course that I expected to go. But in these last few years I have learned that life doesn't follow your script. Life is improvising. And as I have moved on from the life lessons I've experienced, I've grown stronger because of those experiences. I have found that in having this attitude, I tend to experience more serendipitous moments. 

It is why my favorite poem is Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken", which I shared in an earlier blog. I see life - my life - as a journey. Sometimes that journey is one of faith, and the questions and struggles I have with my faith. Sometimes that journey is one of relationships, be it the relationships with my kids, or friends, or work colleagues, or fellow musicians and photographers, or women I date. Sometimes that journey is an inward one of questions and fears, triumphs and recognition for my skills and talents. Sometimes it's a journey of self discovery, and seeking ways to improve myself, and to intentionally place myself outside my comfort zone. 

When you're on a journey, you focus on what's ahead. But you cannot discount what was in your past. I look at my past and see so many things that make me who I am today. 

So, yes. I am grateful that some things didn't work out the way I wanted them to. Maybe grateful wouldn't be appropriate for all the things in my life I've gone through, such as being unemployed, or losing a parent, or getting divorced. But those things have shaped me, even though they were unexpected and unplanned for, just as much as the things I DID plan for.