About passion

This is a blog post that I've been meaning to write for a while for a while. I've hesitated to do so, though, because I felt that in sharing this, it would expose a flaw in me. Yet the best way to face our flaws are to acknowledge them, and even share them, for the hope that others who share the same flaws will, in the spirit of friendship, encourage you to overcome those flaws, and get beyond that which may be holding you back from personal or professional growth.

I like to say I have two passions in my life - choral music and photography. Yet I will confess that I do not pursue these to the degree that I wish I did. I don't sweat over choral music scores until I find that elusive thought that the composer had in mind. I don't trudge in snow at daybreak to catch that magic photograph that I've been previsualizing for weeks, months or perhaps years. 

And yet I am friends with, associated with, or know through social media persons who have passion for what they do, and have excelled at it to the point that they can and DO what they LOVE to do.

Robert Istad

Valerie Millet

Take Robert Istad, who at a young age (hey, at 58, anyone younger that 55 is "young") has achieved a place in the choral directing sphere that is notable: Artistic Director of the Pacific Chorale, one of the most prestigious symphonic choruses in the country. Rob discovered music at an early age as a pianist, but turned his focus to choral music, and no doubt will eventually become one of the most influential choral directors in the country. Behind all this was the drive, the passion, to get there. To succeed. Ambition. Purpose. Focus. 

There's Valerie Millet, a photographer that I've followed on social media, who dedicates herself to her art to the point that she's constantly out in nature, photographing what stirs her soul. Her work sings with color that is rich yet not over-saturated, but more importantly, has a spiritual sense to it. She is out there, passionate for her art, and passionate in sharing it with others.

Dale Trumbore

Dale Trumbore, an LA-based composer whose works are being performed by choral groups ranging from The LA Master Chorale to high school choirs. Her music is a paradox: it is accessible music that is deceptively difficult to sing. Dale has always been focused on her music, and her passion is evident. You would not think of her as driven or ambitious, but she has always had that clear vision of who she wanted to be as a composer, and she is achieving that. 

Guy Tal

I've been following the landscape photographer Guy Tal for about a year now, and find his work to be brilliant. More than that, though, is his backstory. His father was a journalist, and naturally encouraged Guy to follow that path. But Guy chose photography. His choice is one that illustrates a total commitment - a passion - for his art, blended with his gift of the written word. And as I see his images and the thoughtful texts that accompany them, I know that this is something that I want to do.

Brandon Elliot

Finally there's my friend Brandon Elliot, who discovered in high school his passion for choral music, and totally dedicated himself to pursuing the goal of being a choral director. His graduate and post graduate work strove for that, and now, as the Artistic Director of Choral Arts Initiative, he's passionately pursuing music by new and upcoming composers, providing them with opportunities to have their work performed. I've always admired Brandon for his drive and his total commitment.

And when I look at these stellar artists I wonder - why do I not have that same drive. That same commitment. 

Why don't I have that level of passion? 

I often try to justify it by saying that my brothers and I were raised by children of the Great Depression: my dad was barely 9 when the Great Crash occurred, and my mom was 5. All through their young lives, up until the breakout of WWII in December of 1941, they lived in that great uncertainty that was the world at that time. They lived with less, and instilled in my brothers and I the value of hard work and not following "frivolous" pursuits. Even though our parents were both artists, and my father spent his entire career and retirement as an artist, it was more their vocation than a hobby. And to be honest, neither of my parents were passionate people, and they had no sense of ambition or drive. 

But that really isn't justification for why I don't pursue that which I say I have a passion for. 

Sometimes I justify it with the current life status that I am in: working full time, with two teenage kids at home who are just beginning to work, along with my adult stepson who only works seasonally. I have "responsibilities" to the house and to them. And being a single parent, I tend to feel I must shoulder those responsibilities. 

Yet, even in the days before I married, when I was single and living alone, and was financially comfortable enough that I could spend time doing photography, I didn't. I'm not one of those type of photographers that MUST be out there, shooting, constantly striving to improve themselves or their images. They agonize over Lightroom, struggling to find out every tool and trick that it provides as a means to improve their final vision. 

And I look at those folk and wonder "why don't I spend hours doing that?" 

I am constantly questioning why, if I SAY I am passionate about photography, why am I not DOING photography. 

This post is not going to provide an answer, and frankly, I don't think there really IS an answer. I do believe that there are many people who do have that ability to focus and have the requisite ambition that allows them to become what they want. Perhaps I don't posses that gift. And yet, why, if I know I don't have that gift, don't I then compensate for that? 

I really don't know......